Because most men weren't taught that calling is what friendship looks like.
I have friends I care about deeply who I haven't called in months. It's not that I don't think about them. I do. But the thought doesn't translate into the action, because somewhere in me, calling feels like imposing. Like I'd be bothering them. Like I need a reason — a problem, a crisis, something to justify the call.
A lot of men are like this. Their friendships are built on shared activity, not regular contact. You see each other at work, at church, at the gym. You don't call just to call. That feels like something women do, and since no one told you it's also something men can do, you don't.
I've been trying to change this. I've been trying to call friends for no reason — just to hear their voice, to check in, to be present in their life and let them be present in mine. It's uncomfortable. It feels like I'm doing something I don't know how to do.
But I also know that men are lonelier than they've ever been, and part of that is because we've stopped doing the simple, unglamorous work of reaching out. Call your friend. You don't need a reason. He probably needs to hear from you more than you know.
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