We listen. We just listen differently.
I used to think I was a terrible listener. My wife would talk, and my brain would immediately start looking for the problem and the solution. She'd say, "You're not even hearing me." And I'd feel defensive, because I was hearing her — I was just hearing the part that I could fix.
Most men are trained this way. Someone comes to you with a problem, you solve it. That's the job. That's what a good man does. He doesn't just sit there.
But here's what I had to learn: most of the time when my wife is talking, she doesn't need me to solve anything. She needs me to witness her. To be present with whatever she's experiencing without trying to change it. And that is not something I was taught to do. It's something I had to practice.
I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect at it. But I know now that listening isn't waiting for your turn to fix. It's staying in the moment with another person and letting them feel you there. That's harder than solving, actually. It takes more of you.
If a man in your life keeps jumping to solutions, he's not being dismissive. He's being a man who cares enough to try to help — in the only way he knows how. Help him learn another way.
---
