I was terrible at this. For years.
It's not that I didn't want romance. It's that I didn't know what romance meant for my wife. What I thought was romantic and what she experienced as romantic were two different things. And when I'd try and miss, I'd feel like I'd failed, which made me less likely to try again.
A lot of men are in this loop. They plan something, it doesn't land, they feel rejected, they stop planning. Or they don't plan because they don't trust their instincts, and they've been told — directly or indirectly — that their idea of romance isn't good enough.
But here's what I learned: romance isn't about the idea. It's about the effort. It's about a man choosing to create a moment — any moment — that says: I thought about you. I chose this for us. I wanted something good for you.
I started planning things that weren't "romantic" in the traditional sense but were intentional. A drive with no destination. A rental car that was ridiculous and fun. A walk. A concert. The specific thing didn't matter. What mattered was that I'd chosen it, on purpose, for us.
If you're a man who doesn't plan dates, start small. The point isn't the plan. The point is the choosing. She wants to be chosen, not just included.
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