I want to distinguish between two things: feeling affection and showing affection.
Most men feel it. They feel it deeply. What they struggle with is the expression — not because they don't want to, but because they weren't taught how, or they're afraid it'll be misread, or they've been criticized for doing it wrong.
I grew up in a home where affection wasn't modeled well. I didn't see it, so I didn't learn it. And when I tried to show it — especially early in my marriage — it was clumsy. I'd do something I thought was affectionate and it would land wrong, or it wouldn't register, and I'd feel like I'd failed a test I didn't study for.
So a lot of men pull back. Not because they don't love. Because they don't know how to show it in a way that lands. And every time it doesn't land, the gap gets wider.
Here's what I'd say: if you're a man, practice. Not perfectly — just regularly. A touch, a word, a moment of presence. It doesn't have to be grand. It has to be real. And if you're asking about a man who doesn't show affection, know that his withholding might not be coldness. It might be uncertainty. He might need you to show him what lands — not by demanding it, but by reflecting it back when he gets it right.
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